Thursday, June 7, 2007
We'll give this a go!
I have an urge to blog about autism. It consumes me lately, and time I spend doing other things weigh on me and make me feel guilty that I'm not making myself available on the blogosphere to share the journey with others. But then I start, and then I start crying. The tears pretty much just come whenever I say to someone (new or known), "I have two autistic children..." No matter the context, no matter the surroundings, the tears just come. After lengthy discussion with my physician about medications, her response was, "I think you're grieving." Well, yeah, no kidding! But I mean my daughter is almost 7, and she was diagnosed spot on at 2. So am I grieving for the last 5 years? I mean, when do I move on to the other phases of this emotional roller coaster? And besides, I don't agree with the grieving thing. Especially since I seek my doctor's fine medicational expertise mostly around IEP times. I "grieve" about IEPs? I don't think so. I'm sure we'll get more into this soon. But here is a first post. I am looking forward to sharing and talking and maybe someone out there will offer me good words, and I can pass it on to someone else and we'll all be holding hands and singing "Kumbya" soon.
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1 comment:
I think what you are "grieving" is the loss of your "normal" children. The more you are around your own children, the more natural their behavior seems. When the IEPs roll around, you are forced to see your kids through the clinical eyes of therapists and teachers, and they seem more autistic than they do when you're alone with them. The grieve is the loss of those fragments of normalcy you've been leaning on.
Moving on? I think you begin to move on when you accept them completely for exactly who they are, when you learn to love every little thing about them - the good, the bad, and the utterly confusing.
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